And yes, 'launched' feels a tad dramatic, but somehow feels a little more apt than 'set up' or something.
I think it's just a very tangible reminder of how quickly time is passing. When I published my first post at the end of 2015, I never in my wildest dreams figured it'd be something I was still doing at 23. At the time, it was simply something I didn't as a bit of a creative space to document the things I was doing, books I was reviewing etc. Sometimes I wonder: who let me loose on the internet in this way when I'd just turned thirteen? Not that I was publishing articles far and wide at all, but it does make me laugh sometimes, looking at some of the posts I made 10 years ago.
And yet, I could never bring myself to delete or even archive them. Don't get me wrong, I read some of them and find myself cringing into next week. But they got me to where I am now, and I'm so glad that my intrinsically private self decided to write them. And, let's be honest, if I asked anyone to look at the photos and Instagram bios they had ten years ago, they'd likely also be dying inside -- it's a part of life. And somehow, I can't bring myself to delete or even archive my old posts, because they got me to here. Like it or not they're a part of my life, and to be honest I like having them as a reminder of what life was like before; a time capsule of sorts, some might say.
It's weird, because as I've found confidence in some ways, I've become more reserved in others. I've found myself much more conscious of my digital footprint more and more as of late, so I think I've become much more reserved in my writing. But then again, my increased awareness has run parallel to my posts becoming more focused on my everyday musings and less so about, of instance, about the prints I wore in Spring '21. In many ways, my writing has become less filtered, yet that's quite scary in many ways, especially as I chose not to anonymise myself on here (I mean, I probably did for all of five minutes, but it's harder than one might think!). Simultaneously, especially in the last year or so, I think I've limited the scope of my writing for fear of things coming back to bite me down the line. I think that working in the field that I do has forced me to truly reconcile with the significance of pen to paper, hence my everyday musings have become slightly more controlled. But whereas before, it came from a place of shyness and inexperience, it now comes from a place of discretion. Full transparency: I've become slightly fearful of posting on here, as of late. I try to channel much of the fearlessness that 13-year-old me had when I first launched this blog, but truthfully, there were probably fewer consequences for her.
Anyway, enough of all that serious shit. It's crazy, really, how so much can change in ten years, and yet how much can feel exactly the same (although in many ways, I'm living 13-year-old me's wildest dreams). And throughout all phases of life, this has been a real constant. I mean, I don't feel inherently different to who I was 10 years ago, but I think life's very much been split into two halves - pre and post-pandemic. But then again, even my undergrad degree feels like a lifetime ago...I'm beginning to wonder if this is what it's like to receive a voicenote from me - 90% tangent, 10% substance - apologies to anyone who's been privy to one of those lately!
But anyway, to round off in a short but sweet fashion - whether you've been here for the past 10 years, or even all of 10 minutes - thank you, with all my heart ☺️
Lots of love,
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