the loneliness nobody warns you about in your twenties

Firstly, I would like to preface this with the fact that this not a call for sympathy, in any sense – it's merely an observation. 

But nonetheless, it exists. A feeling that I never anticipated, not could I ever prepare for – that being, the loneliness that comes with entering your early-to-mid twenties.

What I've ascertained is that this stems from the pure impermanence of everything, people included. It seems that not many people are in the same place at the same time anymore, and at some stage you need to accept seeing some of your closest friends tri-annually, sometimes annually. In many ways, I've come to appreciate my own company, I guess being quite independent before all this has had its uses.

And hobbies. What are they anymore? I've been asked this a few times recently, what mine are. And I find myself flummoxed, flapping as I try to find answer to what should be a very basic question. Five years ago, I'd have filled that gap without hesitation: gymnastics, sewing, drawing, writing, reading...somewhat standard, but hobbies nonetheless. Now? I've got reading fatigue from university, I haven't touched my sewing machine in months, I've been out of gymnastics for over five years, and I find the inspiration to write every few weeks.

What are my hobbies now? Do I even do anything remotely interesting in my spare time? I spend a lot of my time walking or doing washing,  or scrolling. Maybe the thought of doing most things solo puts me off, admittedly; most people do things in pairs, at the very least. 

I'm hoping that post-university, I find myself slowly rediscovering things, now that my mind is not so pre-occupied; to be fair, I seem to now be finding reading more of an enjoyment than a chore again. I'm so determined to not find myself succumbing to the 9-5, as much as I love my job. I worry sometimes that I've become quite a boring person, but have to remind myself that my world had become bigger, and I have so much more occupying my mind than this time five years ago. 

There isn't a resolution or happy ending to this post, so much as there is a sense of acceptance. Life is busier, more mundane in many ways; I guess the free time as I knew it must be redefined, scheduled, even.